Snippet of Writing (#1)

This is just a rough unedited scene that I wrote for the novel I’m writing. It’s by no means the best and I understand that, I appreciate any comments and feedback that anyone who has read it wants to give.

Charlie jogged up the back steps of her porch. She stopped when she noted the sliding door was open and music was through the door. Cautiously she slid the screened door open and stepped into the kitchen. Nic stood at her stove, with a pan sizzling on the burner. She stood stunned, not expecting him to be here.
“Hey” he said with a smile turning to look at her.
“Hi” she returned the smile, she walked forward and picked up the water bottle from the island where she had left it. She saw her note, open on the island. “You stayed”
“I did” he said. He turned. “You seem surprised”
“It’s just after last night…”
“Last night wasn’t your fault and you couldn’t have predicted what would happen”
“Still you didn’t have to step up to the plate”
“I wanted to…and I wanted to make you breakfast”
“and now I owe you…twice” she grinned.
“That’s alright” he said. He turned down the volume on the radio and turned to face her. “I hope you don’t mind”
“No” she said shaking her head lightly.
“so, you run?”
“Yes, I try to every day” she replied. She kicked off her running shoes and took a seat at the island, she opened her bottle of water and took a long drink.
“Where?”
“Usually just along the beach, provides good resistance” she glanced up at him “Do you?” She caught her appearance in the reflection off the cooker hood, and noted she looked awful, face flushed gleaming with sweat, and yet if he noticed he didn’t show it.
“Um…hold that thought” she said holding up her hand. “I’ll be right back”
“Okay” he replied. She hopped off her stool, walked over to the back door and picked up her sneakers before walking out of the kitchen and in the direction of the stairs that would take her to the second floor.

Again, it’s not the best. It is rough and unedited but I appreciate any creative feedback and comments.

 

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3 thoughts on “Snippet of Writing (#1)

  1. I think you’ve got a good back and forth dialogue started here! You did a great job leaving off dialogue tags while still making it clear who is speaking. Read through it out loud and you will notice a few missing words like “coming” in the second sentence. Also, remember that you need a punctuation at the end of every dialogue. Example:
    “I hope you don’t mind.”
    “No,” she said shaking her head lightly.

    Keep the story going! I got a little feel for the character’s personalities even in that small section.

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